If you're happy and you know it, write a blogpost

When your parents name you Joy, you are imbued with a powerful emotion.  You're one of those few words that falls into the fourth definition of noun -- person, place, thing, or IDEA.  You're the very ideal idea that people strive for.  Every report card states, "Joy is a joy to have in class."  Every professional you meet initially wants to work with you to have that sense of contentment on a given project.  Every guy you date anticipates bliss from the outset.  How can you have down days when you're the very definition of happiness?

Well, gentle readers, shocking though it may be, even gals named "Joy" have down seasons.  September through January were pretty tough on me.  I have no desire to vent all my grievances on the worldwide web or be a Debbie Downer, but I've had a few queries about where I've been so I wanted to share.

That Ain't Me

To roll on through this (yep, I'm quoting "Alabama"), I'll make this quick:

• I don't like when friends are sad.
• I don't like when friends are sick.
• I don't like when mothers are sick.
• I don't like when dogs lose their hearing.
• I don't like when jobs pass over people for promotions.
• I don't like when my country doesn't have standardized healthcare.
• I don't like when bigots hurt people I love.
• I don't like when I can't run to defend against said bigots
• I don't like when my physical limitations... well, limit me.
• I don't like when break ups occur (even when they're necessary).

So there's my season of down in a bulleted list o'ten.  Also I started a new job, signed up for Mark Fisher Fitness Snatched (watch out for updates on this), and got a sweet new tattoo (complete with Eagle #2).  None of those were downers... just wanted to throw them out there!!

In the end I love my name.  I love that it's hard to be sad for long when people are shouting synonyms for happiness at you all the day long.  Why I think people are shouting at me is a whole other issue...

"Joy comes from that connection to others."

That's a line from the documentary "Happy".  I dig it.  Thanks for connecting with me, gentle readers.

With every job when it's complete, there is a sense of bittersweet...

They say never make more than 2 major life changes at once if you can avoid it. Well, I've never been one to listen to "them"

In September 2006 my world had flipped upside down. I was in a new apartment. My marriage was dissolving, and my household (and disposable income) was about to go from 2 adults down to 1. I was completely lost and unsure of the future. I got the call from Disney saying they were opening a new show, a partnership with Cameron Mackintosh, and they'd like me to come onboard to work on it. My pay would be cut by about 20%. I'd be leaving a good, sure, secure thing to go work in one of the most volatile of industries. My parents, my friends, even my therapist cautioned me against it.

I went against the odds and took the leap. I needed something for me. I needed more art in my life. I needed less strenuous hours. I needed people who didn't know me as married Joy, boring dresser Joy, cautious living Joy, or anything other than the Joy I was inside. I'm happy to say it's up there on the list of good things I've done for myself in these 34 years.

A month later I went to see the show I'd started working on. In the 2nd act, Mary sings a song "Anything Can Happen If You Let It". It became my anthem, and I lived by the idea that anything can happen if we'd just get out of our own way. I made some glorious, wonderful mistakes along the way, but I've also lived the life I wanted by trying my hardest to stay out of my own way and simply riding the wave.

More than 6 roller coaster years later I'm about to say au revoir to this chapter. I'm moving on to something new, again in season of life where a lot is up in the air -- no risk, no reward, right?? But I leave taking comfort that no matter where I am, there's always a chimney sweep upstairs watching out for me.

Coincidentally on the same week of my departure, it's been announced that Mary's final flight at the beautiful New Amsterdam Theatre where she and I have made our home since Fall 2006 will be in a few short weeks. The Universe is tricksy like that. I will miss her terribly. And by miss "her" I mean miss all the ridiculously amazing people I've met because of her.

"With every job when it's complete, there is a sense of bittersweet, that moment when you know the task is done. Though in your heart you'd like to stay to help things on their way, you've always known [you] must do it alone." -Mary Poppins

Thanks, Mary. You're the best gift I've ever given myself. Thank you for forcing the winds to change direction every time... right on time.

Letter to November

Dear November 2012,

I'd like to start by thanking you for the month that allowed me to celebrate 34 years on the planet, the month that gave us the opportunity to elect leaders who choose to stand on the right side of history, the month that started with Madonna's technical difficulties in St. Louis, the month where I got to close Magic Kingdom at 3am complete with an eagle soaring over Main Street (ok, maybe not an eagle, but it was still awesome.  Right, Fabricio??) after running a great race that morning in the bitter Florida cold (who knew the swamps could be so frigid??), the month that gave us super sexy moustaches everywhere you look in recognition of Movember, the month that Downton Abbey and the dowager countess entered my life, and the month that actually produced a good Twilight film.

But mostly I'd like to thank you for being over.

You're also the month that gave me disappointment at work, stressful family worries, a Hurricane in my fair city, a physical therapy appointment that told me no running for a couple of months due to a bum knee, a cold that would not go away, incredibly dry skin and chapped lips, a leaky bathroom (again), and some agita in my love life.  You haven't been the kindest to me, and for that I choose to take the lessons learned but slam the door as I leave you behind.

Thank you, oh month of thankfulness (which I was graciously reminded of every day via all forms of social media), for piling it all into 30 days tough days.  Thanks for showing me just how amazing the people in my life are -- from the tips on where to get Reese's Trees and silly (yet "worried") pictures I received from the Midwest, to the Honey Boo Boo Buzzfeed articles, the offering of a good old-fashioned Hamlisch if needed, and the unexpected words of wisdom in the mailroom.  And thanks for the loss of appetite that led to weight loss having me down a pants size, but conversely the same above the waist thus creating that wonderful stressy carb baby I hate so passionately.

December will be my comeback, and I'll look back at you and laugh (or at least sigh in relief that you're over).  One of my dearest recommended a book (A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller) for me to read.  I plowed through in the midst of your lack of love.  Oddly enough, it sorta mimicked my month as I read it.  The parts I want to share are a marriage of "thank you" and "screw you," November 2012.

"Once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can't go back to being normal; you can't go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time."

And this one...

"You didn't think joy could change a person, did you?  Joy is what you feel when the conflict is over.  But it's conflict that changes a person."

I am changed by these conflicts you've slammed together into 4 long weeks.  But maybe I needed a little change in my life... this time on the inside.

Your frenemy,
Joy.

Joyous Anniversary

Today's that day.  Ya know... that one I used to hate.  The one that used to cause panic attacks.  The one that I deemed a year ago today to be a celebration rather than a downer.  Yeah, that one.

November 6, 2006, changed my life forever.  It's the first act break in my story.  And November 6, 2011, was the second act break.  We'll just call this a Shakespearean type of play with multiple arcs and scenes... the kind that seems to go on forever but each new section only makes the ones before it make sense.

A lot has happened in the section we're sitting in right now.  A lot I haven't known how to share outside of my private journal.  A lot that seemed vulnerable and scary, yet amazing and perfect.  A year ago I embraced the Joy I met 5 years prior.  And I'm proud to say that she and I (with the help of some pretty awesome outside forces) have created one heck of a surprisingly healthy 3rd act so far.

November 6th is also Election Day this year.  I was out at 6am to be #7 in line to vote.  I love this day.  It's so emotionally charged, and it never fails to take me back to elections past and where I was, who I voted for, why I voted that way, etc.  It's like a big day of nostalgia.

My voter card this morning

1996 Clinton victory speech in Little Rock... I was about 100 feet from this stage.  One of the best nights of my life.

To celebrate this new relationship I've learned to develop with myself, I'll be heading down to Florida this weekend to run a race.  Don't expect too much out of the race because I've screwed my knee up.  It'll definitely be a walk/run, but I'll have a kickin' run mix and will be crossing the finish line with amazing friends.  Then I plan on spending a few days in the Florida sun, grazing my way through the Food & Wine Festival, wearing a birthday button (which is just next week, people), and getting teary over the Wishes Fireworks show that never fails to remind me that all my wishes will come true.  Dramatic?  Oh, absolutely.  Am I ok with that?  More than you know.

Best Fireworks Show EVER.  Bring it, Blue Fairy.

Heeeeey, Sexy Lady!!

I heard about this last week, but only today did I get the chance to watch a video of Psy's "Gangnam Style."  Let me tell you, gentle readers, this is right up my alley.  Even Fitocracy has you earning points for dancing Gangham Style (any of you into Fitocracy??  I've been thinking of giving it a go). 

By the end of this crazy week (ya know how September is always nutty at work?  multiply that times 8, and you'll know why I haven't been around much), I plan to know Psy's dance along with the best of 'em.  The best of 'em being Britney Spears and The Today Show hosts of course.

The original video

Britney learns it

"Dress Fancy, Dance Cheesy"

Today Show

I've been wanting these sunglasses for awhile anyway... now I have a real reason to get them!

Oppan Gangnam Style!!

(or something like that)

Happy Pakistani Independence Day

August 14th

Rust proof paint is invented.  Oregon is organized by Congress.  Gustave Whitehead takes the first powered flight.  Social Security goes into effect.  The last US public execution takes place in Kentucky.  Not one, but three blackouts occur in the Northeast.  And Pakistan gains independence from Britain.

Oh yeah... and the cutest law-abiding Astorian I know was born.  In fact, on my calendar (which was clearly hi-jacked) it reads "My Birthday, Fool."

Yes, indeed.  The boyfriend turns 35 today, and while he's not a big birthday kinda fella, I'm certainly glad this Leo was squeezed into the world -- much like Alana's older sister Chick-a-Dee will squeeze her new best friiiiieeeeend out hopefully on next week's episode of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" (if you haven't watched this, you must... it's a glorious trainwreck).

Birthday Boy, you make me smile.  You make me laugh.  You push my buttons.  You keep me in check.  You're incredibly good to me and even better for me.  And I can't wait to use your birthday presents I got you... (do I know how to think things through or what, gentle readers??)

These guys were also born on August 14th (the most famous gambler/gunfighter/dentist and our favorite Christian who went on vacation with us)

(I only put the pic including me to show the muddy mess this birthday boy created... totally worth it and amazing day)

Chick-Fil-Huh??

Although I'm partial to their chicken nuggets, it is a truth that Chick-Fil-A makes one delicious sandwich.  It's also true that there are loads of privately-owned companies with bigoted CEOs.  However, I fear the point of this debate is being missed through arguments found near the likes of Facebook.  In a time when over 1,100 basic human rights are being denied to more than 9 million Americans (those are just the ones who are out), the rest of us in the majority have a responsibility to our friends, coworkers, and family members to stand with the minority.

I honestly couldn't care less whether you fill your body with chicken made from mutant animals, burgers made with pink slime, or french fries that never decompose.  I also don't care how much extra money you're able to spend on super-organic-all-natural quinoa or how broke you are that you have to buy the 75-cent slice on the corner to not starve.  And I truthfully don't need to put our political views into our diets... they're already everywhere else, and if we want to discuss the issues, let's go.

I also firmly believe that Dan Cathy, President of Chick-Fil-A, has every right under the sun to be as big a bigot as he wants.  In that same light, though, I have to try to put myself in my friends' places.  If the President of another restaurant chain spent company funds supporting the KKK or other absurdly archaic and offensive groups like Focus on the Family, I might choose to stop my patronage there as well.  You might, too.  Or we might not.  We have the right to do either.

But the bottom line is this:  until Chick-Fil-A stops using its funds to support groups that work to make sure a group of minorities remain 2nd-class citizens and are proud of it, I'll have to go without those delicious waffle fries when I go to Arkansas or hit the airport in Orlando.  It's not a difficult sacrifice to make.  I can't consider myself a Straight Ally in this fight by running to the basement and irresponsibly ignoring things that are hurtful to those I love.

Conor Gaughan says it best in this article that I do hope you'll take the time to read.

If you disagree, I'm not looking to de-friend you, start a cyber-war, or even publicly show my disappointment when you "like" inflammatory pictures/articles/pages.  Just like you have the right to openly support bigotry, I have the right to shake my head in shame because I realize that you think this is over chicken and nothing more.  Know that each time you support this company, you're putting another dollar into the pockets of those keeping your friends, your coworkers, your children, your congregants, your cousins, and your neighbors down.