Random Thoughts on Dating

I had a conversation with my boss today (yes, my boss) about dating in NYC. It's such a roller coaster.

I work in theatre. That statement alone should announce loudly and proudly how few available men I meet. The negative 6% who are straight are old, attached, or just don't know they are gay yet. Not that I'd actively date anyone I worked with anyway.

Meeting friends of friends... this is such a good idea, in fact probably the best way to meet people... in theory. The problem again often goes back to the thought above - the small percentage are too old, too attached, or too gay (no offense to my favorite gays - you know I love you all, but being a baby-daddy for me ain't in the picture). In addition, who REALLY wants to set their friends up on the likely chance that they won't hit it off. Then you have 2 friends who you can't invite to your birthday party at the same time.

Online dating... the dating method of champion single women in major cities!! This is where I have turned to get most of my dates. At first it was scary and unorthodox, and now it's like an old friend. This old friend knows me so well, matches me with paper-perfect men, and even allows me to let them down when that spark just isn't there. What it doesn't do, however, is weed out the ones who go on one or two dates and then become creepers who wanna settle down like tomorrow and text incessantly. Or kick out the ones who wanna keep hanging out because I'm a cool girl but feel the need to be honest and let me know they aren't ready for a relationship either because they've just gotten out of a long-termer and need to sow their wild oats or just aren't the committing type. I actually had some tool bag tell me that I should be aware that fun guys aren't the ones to settle down, and he was a fun guy. He said "I'm the guy girls date in between relationships." Wow. It takes all kinds I suppose. I'm so tempted to insert of picture of him here... I shouldn't have been surprised. Instead I give you something close... description found here

Comparable pic:

Then occasionally, very rarely, you come across one or two (usually at the same time because that's how the Universe works, right?) who are great on paper, wonderful in conversation, gentlemanly without putting on some fake boring front, attentive yet not too smothering, and all the other things you've hoped and prayed for. And it's still not easy. There's always something. For my friends who met their significant others in college or just out of grad school, GOOD FOR YOU. I throw you a party in my mind. This is the way it should work. Once you hit 30, the baggage between the 2 of you is insurmountable. The independence you've worked so hard to create is now the hindrance in the only area you seem to be lacking.

Everyone has the notion that dating in NYC is so fun and easy. With 8.2 million people it shoudl be, right?! Not so. That's 66,000 people per square mile. Roughly 1.5 million are single women. Of the 1 million single men approximately 150,000 are gay, 300,000 are of an ethnicity or religion that won't allow my demographic as an option, 400,000 are out of my age range (maybe I'm being shallow and limiting here, but I list my age range as 29-37). This leaves about 150,000 men. Now this may seem like a lot! But let's remember that there are roughly 1.5 million single ladies out there vying as well. I'm surprised I get the dates I do get!!

Anyone else have dating woes out there? Or just wanna tell me how sad they are for me? Haha...

Sunday Blahs

Sundays are my toughest day of the week. I've spoken to my friend Christanna about this on numerous occasions. And now I'm sharing with all of you...

Sunday is the end of the weekend. It signifies yet another week gone by. Sometimes that equals another week gone by that I'm single, sometimes another week gone by that I failed on my exercise regime, sometimes another week gone by that I didn't clean out those blue egg crates filled with random paperwork I keep promising myself I'll get out of my bedroom. It also sometimes signifies the end of a great week I had with friends who came in from out of town, or the end of an awesome weekend with amazing friends just hanging out in the city.

Sunday is also the beginning of a new week. So many possibilities. Will I get everything done I want to? Will I end the upcoming week having made a great contribution at work? Will I end it proud of my choices? Will I end it having had a date with a great guy who has potential for more than 1 or 2 dates? The unknown... my biggest enemy.

I'm a firm believer in creating our own happiness. No one can achieve that but me. However, how much pressure is that?! Ah me... sighs all around. Sometimes I wish I could turn my brain off on Sundays between the hours of noon and 5pm.

And let me just clarify... they are blahs, not blues. They don't get me so down I can't function or so blue I sit in the dark and eat pizza and chocolate. Just blah... Anyone else out there have the Sunday blahs? How do you deal? Any tips?

2 of my top cures are below.

Light of my life.

Love of my life - does this really exist?? I need a real life Mr. Darcy. If anyone has any leads, I'll gladly take 'em. (Does anyone know how to insert the video straight into here rather than putting the link??)

Yeah, I'm outdoorsy...

My fabulous friend Suzanne and I try to take advantage of all the freebies this city has to offer. Our favorite we've found so far are the various kayaking adventures. The Long Island City Boathouse offers free kayaking on Sunday afternoons in the summer just down the street from my apartment. And Thursday night we were chosen for their Thursday Night Chill Paddle!

We met in Long Island City and paddled from Gantry State Park north to Astoria Park/Hell Gate Bridge. We took a stop at a bird aviary (I am terrified of birds, but this wasn't so bad), and then headed back down after dark to the LICCB docks. In the end we kayaked about 6 miles, we were some of the best paddlers (I mean we ARE pros after all), and had an absolute blast in the process! I hope to catch another evening paddle to the Brooklyn Bridge sometime soon. We both forgot our cameras this time, but I've attached some pictures from other evening chill paddles below.

What Are You Wearing?

One night last week I had a date. I go through spells of these btdubs... I'll go on 97 dates a week and then nada for 2 months. I've been in an "on" phase lately which gets us back to the story at hand. I woke up having a fat, bloaty, I-look-4-months-pregnant kind of day. Every dress I tried on irritated me (of course I can blame the dress instead of the Nesquik I had the night before).

Halfway through the day, I decided to saunter over to Ann Taylor Loft and check out their selection of date attire. I walk in to see the "What Not To Wear" crew filming an episode. Stacy was running around the store picking up pieces to take to the dressing room for their current victim. I grabbed the dress I had my eye on, and went to the dressing room, chalking her presence as just another plus to living in NYC - sometimes you get used to that sort of thing.

One half of the dressing room was roped off as the film set, the other half was full with regular patrons like myself. Since they weren't filming in that precise moment, they let me go behind the ropes and use one of the exclusive ones (because I'm awesome like that). Who's sitting right there? Clinton!! He's all, "Don't mind me, we're just filming a tv show." And I'm all, "Uh, yeah, I know who you are you hot sexy thing"... ok so it wasn't EXACTLY like that, but you get the idea...

I try on the dress, and in the mirror I'm thinking it looks pretty good. Then I think, why not ask the professionals?! So I open the door where Stacy and Clinton are talking and I say, "I don't mean to interrupt you but I have a date tonight I wouldn't mind impressing, and unfortunately I picked a dress out of my closet this morning that makes me look 4 months pregnant. Does this one work? I feel like if I walk out of here not asking you guys, I'll regret it." They laughed (either finding me completely insane or completely charming). Clinton says, "Well, if you're having a bloaty kinda day, then this dress is perfect because of the cut of the dress and material around the midsection." And Stacy adds, "And with your shoulders and cleavage, you can totally rock the v-neck, faux wrap look. You should absolutely buy it!"

I mean, of course I bought it. And similar to the Emperor's New Clothes, even if the dress looked like poo on me, I rocked it like it was designed just for me. And, yes, the boy commented on the dress... so I guess the purpose was served.

For curiosity's sake, here's the dress... I bought the grey one.

Peer Pressure?? ...here we go

My dear and darling friend Katie has been pulling every appendage I have (so to speak) to get me to maintain a blog. Part of me thinks it's because she enjoys my stories of my adventures in NYC surrounding dating, dieting, deal-making, and digging myself out of messes. The other part of me thinks this forum might be better than taking up her very busy life with my drama.

I kid, I kid... Either way, Katie is a brilliant writer, a brilliant blogger, and an even more brilliant friend. I trust her advice like whoa. When she says, "Blog!", I have to heed her advice.

So this may be just for me and her. Or maybe I'll turn into the Carrie Bradshaw of this decade. I imagine it'll fall somewhere in the middle though.

I hope to keep you entertained with my crazy crazy life - be it fun stuff I find to get into in NYC, fun boys I find to go out with in NYC, or just fun stories about the life I've stumbled into leading in NYC... here we go...