Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Random Thoughts on Dating

I had a conversation with my boss today (yes, my boss) about dating in NYC. It's such a roller coaster.

I work in theatre. That statement alone should announce loudly and proudly how few available men I meet. The negative 6% who are straight are old, attached, or just don't know they are gay yet. Not that I'd actively date anyone I worked with anyway.

Meeting friends of friends... this is such a good idea, in fact probably the best way to meet people... in theory. The problem again often goes back to the thought above - the small percentage are too old, too attached, or too gay (no offense to my favorite gays - you know I love you all, but being a baby-daddy for me ain't in the picture). In addition, who REALLY wants to set their friends up on the likely chance that they won't hit it off. Then you have 2 friends who you can't invite to your birthday party at the same time.

Online dating... the dating method of champion single women in major cities!! This is where I have turned to get most of my dates. At first it was scary and unorthodox, and now it's like an old friend. This old friend knows me so well, matches me with paper-perfect men, and even allows me to let them down when that spark just isn't there. What it doesn't do, however, is weed out the ones who go on one or two dates and then become creepers who wanna settle down like tomorrow and text incessantly. Or kick out the ones who wanna keep hanging out because I'm a cool girl but feel the need to be honest and let me know they aren't ready for a relationship either because they've just gotten out of a long-termer and need to sow their wild oats or just aren't the committing type. I actually had some tool bag tell me that I should be aware that fun guys aren't the ones to settle down, and he was a fun guy. He said "I'm the guy girls date in between relationships." Wow. It takes all kinds I suppose. I'm so tempted to insert of picture of him here... I shouldn't have been surprised. Instead I give you something close... description found here

Comparable pic:

Then occasionally, very rarely, you come across one or two (usually at the same time because that's how the Universe works, right?) who are great on paper, wonderful in conversation, gentlemanly without putting on some fake boring front, attentive yet not too smothering, and all the other things you've hoped and prayed for. And it's still not easy. There's always something. For my friends who met their significant others in college or just out of grad school, GOOD FOR YOU. I throw you a party in my mind. This is the way it should work. Once you hit 30, the baggage between the 2 of you is insurmountable. The independence you've worked so hard to create is now the hindrance in the only area you seem to be lacking.

Everyone has the notion that dating in NYC is so fun and easy. With 8.2 million people it shoudl be, right?! Not so. That's 66,000 people per square mile. Roughly 1.5 million are single women. Of the 1 million single men approximately 150,000 are gay, 300,000 are of an ethnicity or religion that won't allow my demographic as an option, 400,000 are out of my age range (maybe I'm being shallow and limiting here, but I list my age range as 29-37). This leaves about 150,000 men. Now this may seem like a lot! But let's remember that there are roughly 1.5 million single ladies out there vying as well. I'm surprised I get the dates I do get!!

Anyone else have dating woes out there? Or just wanna tell me how sad they are for me? Haha...

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